vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Randomize
