peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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