Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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