Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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