Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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