eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
