I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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