I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
