I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it glows. i had to have it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
