I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
