Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
