all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
