i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
