Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
