Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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