you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
