I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
