4 words: hood of his car
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
