Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
