I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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