yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
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Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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