I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am naked and annoyed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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