i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What a dumb baby whore.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
