His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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