I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
