hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
