If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
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You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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