Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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