I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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