she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize