I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
