He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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