is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
