Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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