Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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