You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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