we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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