Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
