You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
