At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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