Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
