is wine microwaveable?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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