did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
