I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
True strength comes from lack of pants