so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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