my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.