Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
This house was built for laser tag.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.