I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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