please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
