I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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