Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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