I want to stick my p in your. b.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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