I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
