You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize