I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
