he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
