Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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