those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word