what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.