turn off your phone and go to bed
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.