I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous