Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
