Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
