I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
