I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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