dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
