im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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