like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
